You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
