It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
