My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
