your room smells of hookers.
And success
Your dad touched me again.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
