they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
