you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
