There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
