I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
