Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
