he thought i was a dude.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
