i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
