at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
