In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
