Girls should come with a carfax report
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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