so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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