So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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