I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
