So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
