bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
