I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
