I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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