fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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