I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
