sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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