im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
