Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
