i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
