The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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