I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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