i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
