One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
