you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Vodka?
Forever.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
