some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
