I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
