xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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