4 words: hood of his car
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
