Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
