No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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