the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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