I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
