I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
