the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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