So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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