I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
