Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
