life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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