Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
