Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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