My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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