Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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