The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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