first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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