How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
