he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
